“These days, everyone has ADHD and a bit of autism!” “Back in the day, none of this existed.” “They’ll grow out of it.” “Spend less time on social media and your concentration will improve.” “But you’re so empathetic—you can’t be autistic.” “Everyone struggles.” “You’re just a bit scatterbrained.” “You could do it if you really wanted to.” “You’re using ADHD as an excuse.” “You’re autistic? Where’s your special talent—are you a genius?” “You don’t look autistic / I don’t believe that about you.” “But you can make eye contact—so that can’t be true.” “Just cut out sugar and you’ll focus better.”

We hear statements like these all the time—actually, that’s an understatement. The list of those statements is virtually endless. They show that many people recognize parts of themselves in certain traits—and at the same time, they miss the bigger picture.

Because neurodivergence means more than occasional restlessness or difficulty concentrating. It describes a fundamentally different way of perceiving, processing, and experiencing the world—for example in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Different doesn’t mean wrong

Neurodivergence is not a flaw.
It is part of human diversity.

Not all brains function in the same way—and it would be strange if they did. From an evolutionary perspective, diversity even makes sense: different ways of thinking and perceiving expand what a society can do.

So the real question is not: What is normal? But rather: What works for me?

“Don’t we all have a bit of this?”

Many people recognize themselves in individual traits. The difference lies in intensity and real-life impact.

Neurodivergence often involves a persistently different way of experiencing the world—and especially the cost that comes with it:

• constant adaptation
• high internal effort
• the feeling of being “somehow different”

When adaptation becomes harmful

Many individuals report spending years trying to adapt:

• to go unnoticed
• to function
• to meet expectations

This ongoing effort requires enormous energy—and it can make people unwell.

Mental and physical health issues may then be treated, and things often improve—for a while.
But not uncommonly, the symptoms return… and not without reason.

The underlying connection

If the root cause is chronic overload—such as living in an environment that does not fit one’s way of experiencing the world—then the problem remains, even if symptoms are treated.

This means: mental health conditions are often not random—they can be a consequence.
As long as the underlying conditions don’t change, the system keeps coming under pressure.

Psychotherapy: not about adapting, but understanding

A key point: psychotherapy is not about making a neurodivergent brain neurotypical.

It’s not about becoming “more normal,” but about understanding:

• How do I function?
• What overwhelms me?
• What do I actually need?

And from that, something essential follows: creating conditions that truly fit.

The crucial difference: adaptation vs. fit

If we constantly try to be something we are not, stress develops—and it affects multiple levels:

• the nervous system stays on high alert
• sleep and recovery suffer
• the body struggles to return to balance

In the long term, this can lead to both psychological and physical illness.

Or put simply: an organism that cannot live in alignment with its nature will experience stress.

And this applies to everyone—whether neurodivergent or neurotypical.
The difference often lies only in how much adaptation is required.

Therapy: what actually helps

It is not primarily about choosing the “right” method or whether a therapist specialises in neurodivergence.

Therapy often addresses the consequences of living in conditions that do not fit.

I encourage all my patients  — when possible — to explore different therapeutic approaches and stay with the professional they feel most comfortable with.

And importantly: you can expect to be taken seriously and treated with empathy.
If you or your child feel this is not the case, it is valid—and important—to leave.
Because therapy that does not feel safe or respectful is not effective and can, in the worst case, do harm.

Why assessment can be helpful beforehand
(Especially if the therapist does not offer it themselves)

A diagnostic assessment can help clarify:

• Why do certain things feel harder for me than for others?
• Why does so much require so much effort?

It is not about labeling—but about:

• creating clarity
• understanding yourself better
• finding appropriate support

For many people, this becomes a turning point.

What changes as a result

When neurodivergence is understood as part of one’s way of functioning, the perspective shifts:

Not: I need to become different. 

But: I can shape my life in a way that fits me.

And this is where real opportunity lies:
when conditions improve, mental health often stabilizes as well.

Conclusion

Neurodivergence is not something that needs to be “treated away.” It is a way of being.

Psychotherapy is not always necessary—other forms of support may be more appropriate or useful in addition. 
But therapy can help shift one essential question:

From: How do I adapt? To: What do I need in order to stay healthy?

Because real change does not come from forcing ourselves to fit— but from creating conditions in which we no longer have to become unwell just to function. When we stop working against our own nature—whether neurotypical or neurodivergent—something fundamental often emerges:

Stability.
Relief.
And genuine quality of life.

What does this mean for parents?

You are good parents. Why? Because you are seeking information, trying to understand, and engaging with this topic. There is no single “ADHD gene” or “autism gene” — both are influenced by many genes and are highly heritable. They often run in families, while environmental factors play a smaller, complementary role.

If your child receives a diagnosis, the likelihood increases that you may recognize similar traits in yourself. This does not mean you did something wrong, “raised your child incorrectly,” or are to blame. 

Even if it may feel different at times, this understanding is meant to relieve, not burden. Self-understanding can be helpful—because understanding begins within the family and strengthens children for the world they encounter outside. 

A personal diagnostic assessment can help to:

• better understand your child’s behavior
• identify your own strengths and challenges
• enable more targeted support for the entire family